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Here, AgainHere's another heart break,
Another dozen lies.
And here I am again,
Tears falling from my eyes.
Here I am again,
Caring way too much.
All I did was sacrifice,
But still it's not enough.
Here's another razor,
So tempting on my skin.
Do I keep on fighting?
Or do I just give in?
Here's some some time wasted,
On another stupid boy.
You put on such a good front,
But I was just your little toy.
But I still don't understand,
How it could all just be a lie.
If it really was,
Then why can't I say good bye?
For the Best
Old memories and photos,
so long they caused me pain.
Everything about you,
would make me so ashamed.
For so long I thought you were like the others,
and for so long I was wrong.
It was my mistake,
and because of that you're gone.
I was so ready to put you in the past,
forget what we had,
forget about us.
I didn't know at the time,
but what you did was for the best.
We shared a wonderful friendship,
and we shouldn't put that to rest.
Now looking at the pictures,
bring a smile to my face.
We shared pure happiness,
and that doesn't have to end.
We can't have what we had then,
but we can still share something great.
Hopefully one day,
we can both look back.
And smile at what once was.
What's the point?
Everytime I close my eyes,
I can see you with her.
It's time to face the facts,
I can't go back and fix it.
I see you with her,
I die a little inside.
Because what's the point,
of taking my next breath,
if you don't care I'm breathing.
What's the point of living,
if you don't care that I'm alive.
But I know it's all my fault.
I made the mistakes.
But if you knew the tears I've shed,
and how much I want you back,
then maybe you would realize.
that I mean what I say.
I was just seaking perfection.
But what's the point of wanting that,
if you allready have it,
woman with the burnt-out lungsCigarette-flushed face,
you never bothered trying to quit for your kids, though you were one when you started.
It wasn't real until the Big C knocked.
Once burned, twice shy,
your cousins remembered another family member, pixie-cut hair she once permed so proudly,
double-crossed and dying in a cold bleached bed.
Woman with the choked-down laugh,
we didn't want to believe it was cancer, chemotherapy, hospital, beloved, eulogy, grief,
when your daughter can't even spell the words yet.
It's all we can do to hope you hold faith like your aunt didn't, that you will end
your days knowing God. There's nothing else now but drugs and one last bout of misery.
Say goodbye to your children, Pam, and know you are loved.
To My Best Friends' ChildTo My Best Friends' Child
I miss you more than I thought I could miss
someone I met only as a swift, sharp kick
I miss your unheard cries, your unwiped shit,
the way you never gripped my thumb in your tiny fist
I held your mother for an hour last night
as she shook with wordless, tearless cries
while my husband talked down your dad outside
even your dogs hid under the bed and whined
you had a great set of gay uncles in us
to babysit when your folks needed a little fun
and later, drop you off and pick you up
and much later, teach you drinking without getting drunk
and you were going to teach us too
if we were ready to adopt a friend for you
instead, you taught us too much, too soon
about how much we didn't know we had to lose
Waltz with me a gentle rhyme
Meet me under the moonlight
Where the wind blows backwards
Time will never end
A ghost boat around the skyline bend
And a vampire’s kiss
The blood of a rose
And the song of the abyss
Where the wind blows backwards
That’s where you and me
My child take thee
And earn a window pain
A wolf howl on the biting rain
Until I can take your hand
And we can dance the final death
In your arms
I Wish I Could Have Taken You ThereI wish I could have taken you to Neverland
So you would never have had to see the bad
The war that goes on within your fairytale castle
Fight pirates instead of your own family
Dance with the fairies till the world turned dizzy
Leave the grown ups and growing up behind
Play with wooden swords and learn how to fly
Live with Peter and the Lost Boys band
Hear stories like the Croc and Captain Hook's hand
Never listen to parents fight or 'you cant's again
I wish I could have taken you to Neverland
Daddy, daddy!!Mommy, mommy ! Help me find daddy! I can't find him anywhere!
Brother, brother! Mommy's sad! She's crying! We need to help!
Sister, sister!Everyone's crying- Oh no! Are you sick too? Your crying too!
Auntie, auntie! What's this place? There's a lot of people here!
Uncle, uncle! Those men, they look like daddy in his uniform. Where's daddy? They said he'd be here!
Grandma, Grandma! Why is daddy sleeping in the box bed? Why are there flowers?
Grandpa, grandpa! Why won't daddy wake up?
Daddy, daddy.................. Wake up......everybody's crying....
Phases in GriefDenial
They wouldn't do this to me.
There must be a reason.
I'm camouflaged in bruises,
from head to toe for a lost reason.
Cut my blood open,
and show them what it feels like;
to feel my pain.
It doesn't show itself,
but I know it's there.
I'll give it all for this to stop.
I'll give it all for a second chance
at my past.
Give it all for different blood.
Make it stop.
I slowly build oceans;
by my eyes.
Cover it all up with a few laughs.
Not telling anyone my story.
I accept my future, my fate.
But deep down, the past scars still show.
I'm treated like this but later,
I'll be alone without blood.
DaddyLittle girls are supposed to love their daddy.
But i find it hard to love someone your terrified of.
Taking my things.
They aren't yours to play with
I'm sorry mommy
Please stop yelling at me.
Ahead and take my things
You can have them to play with
Put me down
Or laugh at me
Or scream at me
Or tell me how
Terrible of a daughter
I'm sorry mommy.
Please stop throwing things at me.
Mommy, I'm sorry.
Screaming at me.
I love you mommy.
Do you love me?
I roam my house and all I see is division, hatred, evil, and broken. It is worst as I look at my grandparents home, divided by all and disowning of the eldest.
I wish at times how I would want to see my mother, able to walk the same ground as my grandmother, aunt, and younger sister.
Hated is all I see, blood is spilt on to those who don't care, and hearts die as they are changed.
Two-faced and judgement roll off the tongue naturally toward those who are dead to them. I stay quiet as I hear such things toward one another.
Many times I would like to say 'that the things you say are what we learn. And when we grow older, we will hate our eldest child for one thing. Soon they'll be dead to us.'
I would also say, 'What you're telling us is that we must love our siblings, since that's all we got, but you don't do the same?'
My aunt would reply, 'We are adults, that's different.'
But in reality it's not, . . .
It's being a person who doesn't do as they tell others.
And I hope ka
You Used To
You used to always be there.
You claimed you'd always care.
Now you're gone, not coming back.
wrapped up in yourself,
We try to help,
but you don't an it.
We try to love,
but you just push and shove.
You used to always help me,
you would guide me in my life.
You would always be there,
when nothing else was right.
You brought a smile to my face,
whenever I was down.
You cheer me up,
when I wanted to frown.
You used to love and care,
you were always there.
You're not the person you used to be,
and it's so plain to see.
You don't love me,
you don't care.
on old sanzu - absolutely true fictionlast fall i stole my friend down by the tama river. we sang. we danced. we skipped dead fish like rocks and watched them get swallowed by the undertow. we got sick off of bad chinese food and went skinny-dipping and then a week later she drowned herself.
her uncle was a yakuza, i think, but he really just wanted to be al pacino or something. anyway, she loved him a lot. maybe that’s why she went down the way she went down; cement shoes. not real cement, but it was the same idea. she had two cloth bags with yellow-painted cinderblocks inside, and they were tied to her ankles like the prisoners’ chains from o brother where art thou.
in my mind’s eye i can see her, limping dreadfully close to the edge of the current, her left hand gripping at her breasts through a loose t-shirt. kneeling by the wastelands, elbows in the gravel, crawling forward out into the water. angry like a dermis under wool, all teeth and salt and sand. sleepy, submissive, sublimated.
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