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Here, AgainHere's another heart break,
Another dozen lies.
And here I am again,
Tears falling from my eyes.
Here I am again,
Caring way too much.
All I did was sacrifice,
But still it's not enough.
Here's another razor,
So tempting on my skin.
Do I keep on fighting?
Or do I just give in?
Here's some some time wasted,
On another stupid boy.
You put on such a good front,
But I was just your little toy.
But I still don't understand,
How it could all just be a lie.
If it really was,
Then why can't I say good bye?
For the Best
Old memories and photos,
so long they caused me pain.
Everything about you,
would make me so ashamed.
For so long I thought you were like the others,
and for so long I was wrong.
It was my mistake,
and because of that you're gone.
I was so ready to put you in the past,
forget what we had,
forget about us.
I didn't know at the time,
but what you did was for the best.
We shared a wonderful friendship,
and we shouldn't put that to rest.
Now looking at the pictures,
bring a smile to my face.
We shared pure happiness,
and that doesn't have to end.
We can't have what we had then,
but we can still share something great.
Hopefully one day,
we can both look back.
And smile at what once was.
What's the point?
Everytime I close my eyes,
I can see you with her.
It's time to face the facts,
I can't go back and fix it.
I see you with her,
I die a little inside.
Because what's the point,
of taking my next breath,
if you don't care I'm breathing.
What's the point of living,
if you don't care that I'm alive.
But I know it's all my fault.
I made the mistakes.
But if you knew the tears I've shed,
and how much I want you back,
then maybe you would realize.
that I mean what I say.
I was just seaking perfection.
But what's the point of wanting that,
if you allready have it,
mother did not hang the moonthe shallow craters
beneath her cheekbones yawn.
creamy round features glow,
basking in the light of her son.
ripe for the pickingJuice stained fingers clutch,
roll over pocked and pitted skin.
Pinch, twist, flick.
Leafy locks ruffled by tiny hands
which bruise the soft and supple skin
of he who has aged just enough.
six thousand four hundred and forty-one(10366 kilometers, you remind gently)
even from that length
ardent arms never smother,
grant me asylum
your voice resonates from
the tenderest of ghosts
i am old as the dawn,
caretakers far beyond my tenure,
yet your sighs
your butterfly kisses
tuck me in nightly
and i would not trade you for
spider-girl aches for you
more than she can say
in your favored tongue
I can't wait to leaveI can't wait to leave
To leave and feel the fear become swallowed by reality
The reality of leaving
For so long, I've been tortured and beaten
I wish I could show someone what they've done to me without making me share the blame of why Doctors declare I'm not "Mentally stable"
That I can't be left home alone
That I can't be trusted with knives
That I have to take pills to be happy
But I'll never be happy.
Not as long as I live here
I'm scared of messing up and doing something wrong because then they'll find a reason to hit me
To beat me till I can barely talk
So I won't have to tell anyone what they do
What they've done
And what they still do
One time, I couldn't carry a gallon of milk because it was heavier than me and I spilled my cup all over the kitchen table
Then she grabbed me by arm and smacked anywhere that I would let her until I was left with hand marks and couldn't get up
She made me clean it and I just decided to try and sleep the pain away
I was thirsty for days.
"You're smile is grand."
"You look great."
It's all lies.
I'm none of those things.
I'm a mutt.
A lost dog without known heritage
looking for acceptance from it's "family"
The process is long.
It's a bitter, cold war that no one wins
And that acceptance is never going to be there
Because I'm not good enough.
I can't reach those standards set for me.
"You aren't pansexual,
don't tell anyone that."
"You aren't an atheist,
You just haven't found God, yet."
"You aren't anyone's friend,
You haven't been fixed.."
"You aren't accept,
You aren't good enough, yet."
When will families just accept their children?
No parent hears the cries,
No parent wants to accept these things,
No parent wants a failure of child.
Yet, I'm here.
Lie after lie after lie is told.
Mother treats me like I'm a roach,
Father disregards me.
I'm the housemate.
I'm the failure
Part of me screams:
I give up.
Yet, the other part knows everyth
I shall never date.Too many heartbreaks.
Too many let downs.
Too much friends gone.
I shall never date.
Something I am sure to regret in the future.
But not while I am in the past.
vi.he lights candles in the night
not to keep his dark away,
but to burn away the scent of decay.
in the mornings he says hello with
skin & breath that still smell like tar.
You're Not My FamilyI was kept blissfully ignorant while
worlds tumbled down around me.
They have the audacity to keep things
from me until I find out when I'm
not supposed to.
He was arrested in the summer &
they kept up the facade that everything
was fine even as
his eyes grew dark & his fists clenched.
He was always ready for a fight.
They only thought to tell me after
he ran out of the house screaming
one sentence that shattered my fragile world.
Those words still play on repeat in my head & nightmares.
VowsWhy is it always this way?
We maintain that we can contort ourselves
Into pearly oyster shells
Draped in pure white silk
Expecting the sky
To rain down its praises
All the while denying
Our limbs are twisted
Mangled by bonds of gold.
We come to this,
An inevitable destination
The clichéd conjunction of destitute facades.
Your sunshine is the only thing
That illuminates my grave.
You Used To
You used to always be there.
You claimed you'd always care.
Now you're gone, not coming back.
wrapped up in yourself,
We try to help,
but you don't an it.
We try to love,
but you just push and shove.
You used to always help me,
you would guide me in my life.
You would always be there,
when nothing else was right.
You brought a smile to my face,
whenever I was down.
You cheer me up,
when I wanted to frown.
You used to love and care,
you were always there.
You're not the person you used to be,
and it's so plain to see.
You don't love me,
you don't care.
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